be still.

I stood in the middle of the hospital room, thankful I could hide my tears, looking at the look of sheer panic on my dear Mom's face as the doctors said they see a mass, not only in her brain, but several masses in her lungs. I brushed my hand over my face, gripped her shoulders, said to her, "Mom, that doesn't mean anything, maybe it is an infection the scans are picking up. It will all be ok." But, deep down in my heart I knew otherwise. I blinked...and suddenly my whole world had changed. That is just how life happens - in the blink of an eye, life takes a 180. On the heels of celebrating the Savior's birth, a most merry Christmas...and just like that, ringing in the New Year with life altering news. Stage 4. Lung and Brain Cancer.

I tried desperately to swallow upon hearing that news. Roaming the halls of that hospital at night, crying so much that it physically hurt, trying to somehow process this news, trying to somehow remember that the whole world was not falling apart, to no avail, as it most certainly was falling apart. My world. My mom. Inside I screamed "NO!" Not my mom! Give this to me instead. She is too good a woman for this. The one who tended to every tear as I grew up, made sure everyday was as bright as could be, cared more than I have ever seen most mothers care. My mom. How can this be?! I remember roaming those halls and reflecting on all the "problems" I thought I had prior to hearing this news, whether stress at work or home, and just how SMALL each and every one of those "problems" were. Oh, if only to go back and have those be the biggest "problems". Yet, in the midst of this utter devastation, God swooped down and in the weeks and months to follow, He has reminded my heart, "Be still...and KNOW that I am God." (Psalm 46:10).

​My flesh wants to say, "What?! Be still?! Be still while my mom battles cancer?! Be still as my father watches his best friend suffer at the hands of this disease?! Be still?! Are you kidding me?!" My mind races and my throat tightens every time I relive those moments in that hospital. God seemed pretty distant in those moments. I remember trying to pray, and just falling to my knees in defeat, wondering, "Where are you, Lord?" "Why?" It is hard to stand on the goodness of God when you feel like you have just been stripped of so much good. In those days, it took all my strength just to find a way for my legs to support my body. I did not want to go on. I forced myself to be at my best simply so that I could be there for my mom. It is in these dark moments where we truly find out what is at the root of our hearts. Though the world seemed to swirl around and spin without anything for me to hold onto, one simple statement was always rising to the top of my heart, "Be still...and KNOW that HE IS GOD."  It came back over and over. My flesh tried to drown it out, Satan tried to dim God's light in my heart, but it kept coming back. This was the Holy Spirit inside of me speaking. And this was the help of the amazing family and friends He has surrounded me with, reminding me, "Be still...AND KNOW THAT HE IS GOD." This was and is the ONE thing holding me together when these life circumstances are literally tearing me apart. 

I don't know what hard reality you, the reader, have found yourself in, or what is crushing your heart at this time, but I sense I am not alone in feeling like life's circumstances are just BEYOND overwhelming. Too much to handle, too much to process, too much to weather. The enemy is always on full-out attack against everything good, sacred, pure, and honest. He is the father of lies and wants us to believe that if our circumstances are tearing us apart, then our WHOLE LIVES are falling apart. But please take it from a girl who is in the middle of my own VERY HARD REALITY: Satan is a LIAR! God is a REDEEMER! He is the healer. The Author of HOPE! The pathway of RESTORATION! The great I AM!

Right this very minute, there are some things you and I must cling to and hold onto as if our very lives depended on it:

1. God loves us and He will NEVER leave us.
2. This battle is not ours. The battle belongs to the Lord. Let HIM fight for you. Save your emotional energy and use it to dig into His Word like never before. Our job is to be obedient to God. God's job is to win this battle. 
3. The battle might not be easy or short-lived, but VICTORY will be there for those who trust the Lord.
4. God is good even when the circumstances are not. He is good even when the circumstances are harder and darker than you EVER could have imagined. God is good even when people are not. God is good even when things seem hopeless. God is good and can be trusted even when you feel everything around you can't be trusted.
5. God is an ever-present HELPER in times of trouble. Test this truth. Cry out to Him in prayer, and see if He does not come and comfort you. Maybe not by what you see, but tell me if He does not come and calm your troubled heart? Take it from me, and then pray it for yourself... And then be still...and watch - He will be there! He will answer! 100% of the time!
6. God is REAL, just as the circumstance you find yourself in is real. But, being that you can SEE and TOUCH the circumstance, yet you cannot SEE and TOUCH God, it seems like that which we can lay physical hold of is more real. Well, that is a LIE! God is here, even now, even in the darkness. He is REAL. He is orchestrating His goodness EVEN IN THIS! Trust Him. Please, please, trust HIM!
7. Lastly, God is GOOD at being GOD. Don't try to fix what He has not assigned you to fix. Don't try to control this. Don't spend all your emotions trying to "figure it out". Let HIM be God. Free yourself from this impossible and inconceivable assignment. Let God be God. 

Sweet friend, be still, and KNOW that He is God. He is able. He is here. And please, rest in and TREASURE the fact that He has the end of the story all figured out...and if you are found in the Lamb's Book of Life, as a follower and professor of Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, He has already won your battle, every single battle you ever have faced and ever will face. Victory in Jesus! The battle is won! Be still. Be very still. And KNOW that HE IS GOD!